I woke up today, with a stuttered heart, knowing that ill be facing him. I didnt know what to expect. Really. I assumed that it would be akward, silent and heart breaking. I stepped in, and there he was, by the door. I ignored him, feeling like as if my legs have turned into jelly, and i had to hold on to Citi to stabilize myself. I tried to act normal, but i could hear my laughter and my voice was shakey. I tried to cover up my shaking, by laughing as much as i can, and smiling. I don't know if what i felt and saw was true. But i wish that it wasn't. Cos it onli hurts me more thinking about it. I know you too well. You had a choice. But you chose the longer way. I was shocked. I thought i was just paranoid and feeling the akwardness getting into me. Bu maybe what i felt was true after all.. But dont. I beg you. Dont do this to me. I dont think i could go through with it again. Labels: I dont want to go through the same test again. Please.
Im starting to let go..bit by bit..i can feel that..i think i noe why..Since i met AK. Though he's not that good looking, and his sense of humour is abit off, hahaha...but..im comfortable with him. I feel obligated to hold on to my love for you. but i can feel it slipping away, since the love is onli one sided.. I dont know wat to feel. AK is a very nice guy, but i know, from my memories with you, i shouldnt feel this way towards him. Hmmm....What should i do... i want to get over you. but i can do that onli if i get distracted. and AK is here. But i know i cannot cont feeling this way. Becos it would somehow turn ot the same way. Oh God, please, let my heart rest. Let it stitch back the tiny fragments of whatever that was thorn apart. I beg you. dont test me again. i dnt think i can take it. I dont think i have the strength to go through that kind of test again. Let me be. Labels: Let my fragmented heart rest
What is wrong with me? I keep having this feeling.What have you done to me?I look at her face, smiling, i looked for your face, and there, you were where i expected you to be.Beside her.Shit.This is not doing me any good. I just hope. i really hope, that i wouldnt do anything that i dnt wish to do.i want to get over it. i do. really. and theres no space for buts. I have to put an effort eh. But let me have my time k.I sound like a bloody psychopath. Ranting on her own, having dilusions.I only wish that i wouldnt feel this ache in my heart. It feels as if its been squeezed so tightly, that i couldnt breathe. Let me breathe again.Let me get over it.Let me have the chance to look at his face, and not feel panicky, not feel the sudden rush of emotions, not feel the sudden need to just sit down and cry, not feel like i would just break into pieces, not feel like as if my legs juat cant hold on anymore, and i would fall, not feel like my heart had been squeezed till it punctures, not feel the sudden need to hug him.Repair my shattered heart. Thats all i ask.Labels: Repair my shattered heart.