FUCK! i tell ya! uurrgghhh! i dont know why, but onli now, after almost 1 and a half months later, im feeling soooo agitated and so restless....I WANNA SAY FUCK WITH UR SWEET WORDS AND YOUR LOVE.. FUUUCK! urrgghhhhh! shitshitshit! i hate u! i hate your blardy guts! i hate you to the core! aaaaaaaarrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
i hate you i hate you i hate you.
i hate you for doing wat you did. i hate you for making me feel so miserable.i hate you for making me feel miserable even wen we were together.i hate how you could dismiss my words like im no one.i hate you for not talking to me. i hate you for making me feel like im lower than her. i hate you for making me feel so hateful towards you. i hate you for your desicions, though i had to respect it. i hate you for not thinking of me. i hate you for not considering my feelings. i hate you for choosing her over me, though, i know, i know so very well, that you are going to say that theres nothing gg on with the two of you. im not blaming her. but from wat i observe, observe's the word k, not stalking, shes soo into her bf, and ur soo into her. i dont get you..i soo dont get you.
we were doing so fine, then one day, i broke down from the pressure that was building up, between us and due to ur lack of observation. You couldnt take it could you? you left me just like that. I felt so used. I felt so wasted, so left out. Im blaming it all on you now, cos this is wat i feel, how i have felt all this while. i may have pushed you to the brink with me wanting ur attention, but that wasnt so wrong was it? i just wanted you to call me once. just once. at least a text msg. but there was none. i always worried abt you. i did on that day. i just hope you know. i felt so left out. so abandoned. after that night, you were never the same.
I may sound like an overprotective bitch. a bloody slut of a girlfriend whos so protective of her bf nt gg out wit friends and all.. but if you noe the whole story, if you know how he had been to me, you would feel the same. ive never called to ask where is he, what is he doing, and whos he with. but he never cared. wen he's with her, he'll just forget. forget that im here still. forget that im waiting. Friends first eh...yeah..but not to the extend of just forgetting me totally. just one tiny lil msg saying that ur ok, but i waited like a bitch waiting for a bone to chew on. in vain i would say
.
FUCK i tell you. ive never acted out of line. Ive always tried my best to fullfill everythig u asked for. but u just got over me so easily eh.. dont say you had a very difficult time. i just wont believe that shit u wld give me. im still finding it so difficult to let go for ur info.
i look at your picture and i would think.why? i had gave up before you came along. then, you gave me hope. but you really crushed me. you stepped on me and squished me like the ciggs butts that u smoke. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! i went against soo many of the principles, and laws that ive set up in my life. just for you. really, you... You broke my bloody damned heart into so many tiny shattered pieces that used to be just broken. Im just so tired now. Ive got a phobia. And its cos of u. U shattered my heart, and it caused me so much pain, that i cant face certain simple things in life. I cant bear to watch those who are so in love. I cant bear to watch movies that i used to love so much, cos it reminds me of u.. i sound so pathetic, but thats wat it came down to...
But i thank you. thank you so much for teaching me what i never used to know. I may hate you...but i love you..i loved you, and i still love you, thats why it hurts. it hurts so very badly. i felt so hurt then, but i still had hope. then, that incident happened. I felt more hurt. i tried to make it better. you just let go. i fell deeper into the well of despair. then, you let me loose. you totally dumped me. and after that, you just broke the most fragile thing i had left, which was alredy damaged.
I just hope that whoever that is meant to be by ur side, would take good care of you. understand wat i could not understand. reach to places where i did not get to. dont do to her wat you did to me please. i beg you. talk to her for god's sake! tell her how you feel.let her know wat you are thinking. let her explore you like how its meant to be. i regretted not trying harder.but its too late. you built a stone wall around yourself, especially against me.
take care my love. you'll always be my JJ.
Labels: broken heart